Just Simply Holly

We’re very fortunate in the fact that we have four computers in our home.  We recently purchased a new computer for our son which was his Christmas gift.  Yes, he got it early, but his computer just wasn’t cutting it for the online games he plays and we got a really good deal on it at Walmart, so we just couldn’t turn it down.

My computer is going on three years old, but runs very well for what I use it for.  Although I have been thinking very seriously about reformatting it just to give it a clean slate.  My husband has a laptop that he purchased used almost 2 years ago.  He’s very happy with it, but none of the rest of us can stand to use it, so it’s all his..LOL!  But my daughters computer is the oldest one in the house and I don’t give it much more time.  It has a small hard drive (40 GB) and only has 512 MB of memory.  We recently reformatted it and it was running very nicely, but she thinks that meant that it was OK for her to download anything and everything without paying attention to what it was she was doing.  That has resulted in many boxes that should have been unchecked during downloads remaining checked which has given her a MESS on the computer!

Tonight my husband is sitting there tinkering with it because for some reason or another it now won’t go online.  He found several programs that never should have been installed on her computer even though we just went through the computer removing junk programs a little more than a week ago.  I don’t think she’s ever going to learn to pay attention to what she’s doing and stop downloading ridiculously stupid things without checking with us first.  I guess I’m just going to have to leave her be, and when the computer finally dies let her deal with the fact that she doesn’t have a computer any longer.

As a parent of 2 teenagers, I have been through many things with my kids. Through their school years we have had some rough moments and I’ve even had times where I’ve gotten into arguments with school administrators because I felt my child was being treated unfairly or punished for something that shouldn’t have been punished for. But I cannot even imagine how the parents of THIS child felt when their 13 year old daughter was given 2 days of detention for hugging 2 friends goodbye at the end of a school day.

People wonder why kids are the way they are today. Although I acknowledge that there are many factors behind today’s “bad” kids, teaching children that hugging is wrong is simply, well, WRONG! Yes, I know that there are many kids in today’s society that do not care to be hugged, and some even view it as a form of sexual harassment. But a quote from the story tells the school districts exact policy on hugging

“Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”

How does a student hugging their friends, who are willing recipients of said hugs, bring discredit to a school? If I were to see something like that as I were driving by a school my thought would not be “Oh my God, that school must be horrible”, my thoughts would be that the school promotes a feeling of happiness and friendliness that supports friendships.

If we, as a society, continue to punish children for showing their peers that they care, what kind of adults are they going to grow up to be?  In my opinion, uncaring and selfish adults!  Do I feel that a child should be willing to give a child a hug that doesn’t want one?  NO, absolutely not.  But a child should be able to show care and affection to peers who are mutually agreeable to receiving said care and affection without the fear of being punished for it!

My daughter has spent the past week staying after school every day until 7:00 p.m.  She’s been doing this for two reasons.  First, to stay after with her friends and use the gym to practice up on her basketball skills and second because team try outs have been held after her practice times.  She’s been one heck of a trooper, after getting home about 7:30, she showers, eats dinner and then does her homework before bed time.  As soon as her head hits the pillow she’s been out cold, but in the mornings is up and going with no hesitation.  She loves basketball, last year was the first year she played and she had such an awesome time!  And even though I am her mom and am some what partial, I think she’s pretty good at it too!

Anyway, they have one last quick practice after school and she will know by 4:00 whether or not she made the cut and will be on the team.  I offered to come to school early so that I could be there when she finds out whether or not she made the cut, but she said no.  My mothers instinct wants to go anyway, but I need to respect her feelings, so I’ll wait and pick her up at 4.

So cross your fingers, say a prayer, send good vibes, do what ever it is that sends good luck to someone PLEASE, because I know she is going to be crushed if she doesn’t make the team!  I’ll update tonight and let you know what happens!!!

I’m an avid watcher of The Today Show, I tune it in every morning at 7:00 a.m. without hesitation!  They just did a segment on teens and sleep that I think was great, but one thing that was said really caught my attention.  First, you can read the Newsweek article HERE, it’s a great read that I highly recommend!

What was said on The Today Show that caught my interest and made me start paying attention to the segment was “Teens need at least nine hours of sleep a night”.  OK, I know that I technically only have one teenager and that he is a young teen that is not quite 15, but between him and his 12 year old sister, I still feel I “qualify” as a parent of teens.  My opinion on the 9 hours of sleep is that it is fairly accurate, I know that my own children function much better on more sleep.  I also know that my husband and myself are early risers, so we do get to bed at a decent hour on most nights, and the kids know that when we go to bed, they also go to bed.  Our average bed time around here is 10:00 p.m., with some nights being as early as 9:00, but usually rarely later than 10:00.  On school/work mornings my hubby is up at 4:45 a.m., I am usually up shortly after that and the kids get up around 6:00.  It is not possible for them to get up later than that and be ready to get to the bus in time, so there is no possibility of making their wake up time any later.  So in order for my teens to get 9 hours of sleep a night it would be necessary for them to be asleep by 9:00 p.m., not just in bed, but actually sleeping.  I don’t know any teen that goes to bed early enough to be fully asleep by 9:00 p.m., as a matter of fact, most kids that are the same age(s) as mine are usually are up later.  My sister has a 13 yr old daughter, and I know that it’s rare that she’s in bed BEFORE 10:00 p.m.

A s young teens get older, you add jobs to their school/sports/extra circular activities schedule.  Which means that it’s rare that they can do their homework immediately following school, making homework time after work, making the possibility of them getting 6 hours of sleep a complete miracle, and the possibility of 9 hours of sleep completely impossible.  It’s no wonder you seen teens chugging down energy drinks like they’re going out of style these days!  It scares me to think that I am not too far away from having a child in this stage of their life.

Anyway, I don’t know what my point is anymore, other than to post the article and get peoples feedback.  I think it’s a great thought, the 9 hours of sleep, but I don’t think it’s something that is physically possible for the vast majority of teens!

Over at Glass City Jungle we’ve been talking about how it is possible for a parent to forget and leave a young child in a car for a long enough period of time that it causes the death of the child. As a parent myself, I find it unfathomable to think that I could forget that I have my child in the vehicle with me. Some people in the thread at Glass City Jungle have stated that they as parents, and even their own parents, have forgotten to pick up their child from different activities or to take them to activities, which I can relate to because I have forgotten to take my own children to things that they were supposed to go to.

Being the research type of person that I am, I had to find out just how often a child is forgotten in a vehicle, which lead me to THIS Google search. At that link you will find story after story about children who have died after being left in a vehicle. The stories are all heart wrenching and they all have the same ending, that of an innocent life being lost. It’s heart breaking and sickening at the same time. But the fact of the matter is we, as parents, have less and less time for the thing that is most important in our lives, our children.

The statistics are astonishing, more children are dieing every year because they have been left or forgotten in a hot vehicle. A CNN news article talks about the differences in how people are punished for this crime.

Mothers are treated much more harshly than fathers. While mothers and fathers are charged and convicted at about the same rates, moms are 26 percent more likely to do time. And their median sentence is two years longer than the terms received by dads.

Day care workers and other paid baby sitters are more likely than parents to be charged and convicted. But they are jailed less frequently than parents, and for less than half the time.

They also talk in this article about how dramatically these deaths have risen with changes that required children in car seats to be put in the back seats of vehicles as well as the requirements of backward facing child seats.

The correlation between the rise in these deaths and the 1990s move to put children in the back seat is striking.

“Up to that time, the average number of children dying of hyperthermia in the United States was about 11 a year,” says Jan Null, an adjunct professor of meteorology at San Francisco State University who has studied this trend. “Then we put them in the back, turned the car seats around. And from ‘98 to 2006, that number is 36 a year.”

The CNN news article is an amazing article that I highly recommend reading! In it they talk about several different cases and even have quotes from the parents that were involved in the deaths of their children.

Another website I visited was KidsAndCars.org. To quote their website “KIDS AND CARS’ mission is to assure no child dies or is injured in a non-traffic, motor vehicle related event.” Their site is a wealth of information, including statistics, current legislation, educational materials, and technology available to help prevent the needless deaths of innocent children, as well as news and links to all kinds of information.

As a parent I implore everyone who reads this to start taking a moment when you park your car and look at the cars around you. Although we cannot do anything to keep another parent from leaving or forgetting their child in a car, we might be able to prevent an innocent life from being lost. This is a heartbreaking epidemic that we need to do all we can to keep from happening.

From my own experience as a parent I’ve learned many things. I’ve learned that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, we all make our mistakes! I’ve also learned that as much as I’d like to think my children are right, there are times that they aren’t. Above all I have learned that it is very important to listen to your parents “intuition”, because it is usually right.

Today’s news is filled with stories about children who have made decisions that have changed people’s lives forever. These stories involve children who have been raised in good homes as well has children that have not. What I take from stories like these is that it shows that no child is “exempt” from making a terrible mistake.

What I don’t understand is how a parent can be shown proof of a mistake their child has made and deny that it was their child who did it. Too many parents have the “Not my child” state of mind. They want to believe that they have done a good job of raising their children, and that their child is not capable of doing such a thing. What they don’t realize is that by thinking this way, they set their child up for failure.

Parenting is a full time job. We have to take the time to be a disciplinarian to our children, rather than trying to be their friend. We need to let them know that even though we support them, we still have to punish them when they’ve made a bad choice. And we need to tell them that even though we may not love what they are doing, we still love them. But above all we need to let our children know that we are here for them no matter what, and we need to make sure that we are there for them when they need us.

Too many children today are allowed to run the streets without adult supervision. Parents are too busy to take the time to know where there children are and what they are doing. If we want to keep our own children from being tonight’s news story we need to start taking the time to know what they are doing and who they are with.

If we know that information, then and ONLY then can we say “Not my child”!

The other day at work, we all were taking a break and watching some TV when someone tuned into one of those daytime talk shows where these girls were trying to find out who their baby’s father was. It really is sad that a whole TV show can be devoted to this, but the worst part is that there was one girl who had actually had them run a paternity test for the 14th time, and that one still showed the man that was tested wasn’t the father. My hope is that the child at least has a safe and happy home, even if she doesn’t know who her father is!

As those who really know me know, I love my kids with all my heart and feel very blessed to have them. With that being said, my daughter is going to drive me NUTS! Last week she took a tumble down the stairs and had what I originally thought was a VERY large bruise. Turns out it’s not a bruise at all, but a rug burn. I was originally treating it with antibiotic cream, but was told that because of the size of it that may not be a good option because of the amount of antibiotics that would go into her blood stream.

We then started treating it with skin care products that will not only moisturized the burn, but also help fade it. I tell you, this kid has more scars on her than any other kid I’ve ever known. Just the other day she cut her leg in the pond while swimming. She’s an accident waiting to happen that is driving me NUTS….LOL! But yes, I do love her immensely!

You know, I know how my daughter feels, I remember being her age very well. She’s “too big” for little girl stuff and “too little” for teenager stuff. It’s a rough stage in life to be in and my heart really goes out to her!

I’ve tried to sit and talk to her about things she should and shouldn’t do while going through this stage. Ladies, I KNOW you know what I’m talking about, those “things” girls do to make themselves look more mature? **hint**hint** (socks) I caught her doing it again tonight. I know why she does it, but I’ve explained over and over again how mortified she’s going to be when it is discovered that she’s doing this, but I just don’t think she understands. She’s 11 years old and in Jr. High School, she wants to be like her peers, even though some of them are 2 or more years older.

**SIGH** I guess I’m just going to have to gently keep reminding her, then be there to pick up the pieces when “it” happens, or hope and pray that it doesn’t. So tell me mom’s with daughters, what have you done to help get your little girl through this horrible stage without permanently embarrassing themselves? Can ya share some tips with a rookie? PLEASE!!!!

We had a sad event happen in my town this week that got me and others at another blog I visit talking about parenting. A young boy aged 15 shot and killed an undercover police officer in the wee hours of the morning on a “school night”.

We’ve talked about the parent(s) and why they weren’t more involved and knew where their child was at that hour of the night. We’ve talked about the juvenile justice system and whether or not with his previous and current legal “problems” whether or not this child should have been allowed to even be on the streets. We’ve talked about the fact that this child was on probation and possibly being electronically monitored yet had only been in school 2 days since January 25th. There are so many “what if” questions involved in all of this.

I think about being a parent of 1 teen and 1 “tween” in today’s day and age and about how different it seems to be than when my mom was going through this. When I was between the ages of 12 and 15 I remember being scared of being punished. Not because I was abused, because I honestly was not! I was scared because it meant something!!! We didn’t get the computer or video games taken away from us as kids, we got a spanking and had to work around the house and the farm. We got extra chores! And when our punishment was over, we knew we had done something wrong!

But because of parents and other people who have taken a spanking to a whole different level, todays spankings are looked at in a whole different way, by society and by children. If you spank your child in public today, you run the risk of childrens services being called on you. I’m not talking about beating your child to a pulp, I’m talking about a basic swat, PERIOD! It’s not considered tolerable in today’s society, they’d rather roll their eyes and complain because parents have no choice but to stand in line in the check out and let their child scream and throw a fit.

I am in NO WAY condoning child abuse, but as a parent I see nothing wrong with putting my hand to my childs backside to let them know they’ve crossed a line! I would much rather see a parent do that in public than see them stand there and do nothing because of the fear that someone is going to come knocking on their door and question them about abusing their child.

And think about schools. When I was in school you could be sent to the principals office and if he/she deemed it necessary you would get a swat with the paddle. These were usually not your ordinary, every day paddles, they usually had holes of some sort drilled into them to make the swat sting even more. Were they a form of abuse? I don’t think so! I think they were a way of keeping kids in line while in school! By taking that ability away from administrators we have given children nothing to fear. Because rather than getting a swat in school they now simply get sent home and mom and/or dad get to deal with them.

As parents it is our main goal to teach our children the difference between right and wrong. If we have no means of making them fear that something “bad” will happen if they don’t follow the rules how can we expect them to follow these same rules as an adult?

In the situation that happened in my town yesterday I hold all people involved at fault, although not equally. The 15 year old boy was more than old enough to know the difference between right and wrong and he more than likely knew what would happen when he pulled the trigger of a gun. His parent(s) should have been more involved in his life and made sure that he was at home rather than out running the streets and messed up in drugs. The officer involved, who did not deserve to lose his life, should have been wearing a bullet proof vest. The argument as to why he wasn’t stem on the fact that he was working under cover, but on a cold, dark and foggy winters night I do not see how anyone would have known he had it on. But I’m not a police officer, so I honestly know nothing about things like this. I also hold our juvenile system at fault. I know that they are extremely over burdened, but they need to take extra time to make sure that kids that are this out of control are put under control. Why, if he was on probation, was he allowed to only be in school 2 days since January 25th? I’m sorry, but if you’re on probation and you miss more than one day of school WITHOUT a legitimate reason, you need to be taken off the streets.

As a parent I’ve never been through anything like this, not even close, so I honestly cannot say what this childs parents should have done differently. My hope and prayer is that I never have to go through something like this. The courts are currently deciding whether or not this child should be tried as an adult. If they decide he should, he faces spending the rest of his life behind bars. That is a future no 15 year old should have to look forward to. Nor should the family of the murdered officer have to spend their future wondering what it would have been like if he had not been so senselessly taken away from them.