You know, it never ceases to amaze me how difficult it is for people to accept someone for exactly who they are. Why is it everyone thinks they need to change people to what they think they should be or to suit their needs?

Never once, not a single day of my life, have I ever pretended to be something or someone that I’m not. Yes, there have been many times where I wished I was someone else or wished my life was different, but I’ve never put up a front making people think I was any different than what I am. My thoughts are that this is who I am, take it or leave it, the choice is yours. Hell, people I’ve seen over the past couple of days that I haven’t seen in as much as 25 or more years, that knew me when I was young, said I haven’t changed a bit, I’m still the ornery down to earth person I was back then. Well guess what? THAT IS WHO I AM!

I know I don’t lead a perfect life, I know that I don’t make perfect choices and I know that I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes. But above everything, I am true to myself and I’m true to the people in my life. If you need me, I’m there! If I can do anything for you, I’ll do it. And I don’t do this because somewhere down the road I expect you to return the favor, I do this because that’s what life is about! Life is about being there when someone needs you. Sometimes they need you for emotional support, sometimes they need you to help them do something and sometimes they just need to hear your voice.

The one thing I learned over these past few days was exactly who the people were that would be there when I needed them the most. No, I’m not the one that lost my child, and I know that the grief that I feel is different from the grief that everyone else felt. But my cold, harsh reality is that not only did I lose my nephew this week, I also lost a few other family members as well. And what is the saddest about this is the fact that times like this are when I family needs to knit themselves together to get through such a tragic loss. Amazingly, it doesn’t surprise me that this happened. During times of grief and extreme emotions are when people’s true feelings come out. And honestly, I’ve known for a very long time that this is how people felt. But just because I knew it, doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

I sat here this morning and cried for a while. It was so strange to realize that I didn’t have to get everyone up and moving to get somewhere today. I have nowhere to go and no one to help, and honestly, I’m totally lost! I feel so numb and empty right now. I worry about how my brother, his wife and their two remaining children are doing this morning. Their youngest son’s birthday is today, the day after he laid his brother to rest. I can’t even imagine how difficult it is going to be for him, or how painful it is going to be for him to “celebrate” the day he was born just a few days after his older brother and his best friend lost his life. I might go up later to see him, just so he knows that I am thinking about him.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 21st, 2008 at 10:05 AM and is filed under Holly. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.