Just Simply Holly

I’ve learned a huge lesson in the past 24 hours! NEVER look at pictures or videos of your kids when you need to be with them but can’t!

I have to be honest here, I’ve spent the bulk of the last 16 hours wishing I could turn time back! I know it won’t change anything or make anything better, but I wish I could turn time back and undo some of the wrongs that I’ve done! Somewhere along the line I made a major mistake and it’s coming back to bite me in the butt right now!

But honestly, I wish I could turn time back to when our lives were a little more simple and a LOT less angry! I wish I could have my kids be the silly, goofy, happy go lucky toddlers again who used to run around the house with a towel tied around their necks pretending they were a super hero! I wish I could turn time back to when kissing a booboo made everything all better and dried up their tears!

But I can’t do that, and if I’m honest with myself, I honestly don’t think I’d want to, even if I could! It’s time for them to learn about life on their own, they need to spread their wings and learn just exactly who they are. And we all need to realize that I’m not always going to be there to “rescue” them when they’re in trouble, sometimes they’ll have to fix things on their own.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to run out to where they are right now and fix it myself, because I do! I’m fighting every ounce of my being right now to pull things together so that I can go out there and take care of things. I’m hurting in a way that I have never hurt before, and it’s very difficult! But I know that it’s just because my pessimistic side is strongest right now, and I’m assuming the worst will happen, when it more than likely won’t. But it’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever faced as a parent, and I DON’T LIKE IT!!