Just Simply Holly

Beth over at The Sassy Southerner did a neat meme yesterday and I decided I’d play along with her! So here are seven things about me that you may or may not know.

1. When I graduated from high school, I went on to college and was a missions major. My goal in life then was to either be a preachers wife or a missionaries wife. Amazing how our life’s direction can change from what we thought we wanted, isn’t it?
2. I’ll be 43 this summer and I’ve never once had a birthday party that required birthday invitations to be sent out, even when I was a kid. People who came to my birthday parties were always invited by word of mouth. That almost changed for my 40th birthday, but shortly before the surprise party my sister and I got into a HUGE fight and she cancelled the party. She turned around the morning of my birthday and called me to apologize and I ended up going to her house for cake and ice cream. She’ll be 40 next year and I’m honestly not sure that if someone has a big party for her if I’ll be a gracious enough person to forget about what happened with mine and go to her party. Does that make me a bad person?
3. When I was 23 years old I suffered a horrible miscarriage that required surgery and a hospital stay. I was told then that I would never be able to carry a full term pregnancy and would never have children. Less than 3 years later my son was born and two and a half years later my daughter was born.
4. I have been married for almost 16 years, but in 1999, shortly after Christmas, I told my husband that I didn’t love him anymore and that I wanted a divorce. He was willing to let me leave, if I was sure that’s what I wanted, but as you can see, we didn’t get divorced. There has only been one other time since then, that I’ve felt that way, which is right now. But I’m trying my hardest to get past feeling this way because I honestly can’t see my life without him in it!
5. I was adopted as a 3 year old infant. Back then, adoption records were permanently sealed, and it takes damn near an act of God to get them unsealed. I love my adoptive parents with all my heart and they provided me with a WONDERFUL life, but I often find myself wanting to know where I came from and what my biological family is like. I’ve asked my mom for some if the information about my adoption, but it hurts her when I talk about the mother that gave me up. So I don’t talk to her anymore about it and I don’t search for my biological family anymore, but I still feel like there is something missing in my life
6. I have a very difficult time trusting people because of how many people in my past have hurt me, so I have very few people that I trust with my true thoughts and feelings. Sometimes being this way is VERY overwhelming, and sometimes it’s difficult to let the “walls” down and allow people to know some of the more intimate details about my life. I often feel very lonely because of how few people I have allowed in my life, but I’d rather feel lonely than feel the pain of being burned yet again!
7. I love my children with all my heart, but sometimes I wonder if having them was the smartest choice I have ever made. Not because I don’t want them in my life, but because of how the world around us is changing so much. I worry about the things that are happening in our world and how hard it is to balance giving them some freedom but still keeping them close enough to know that they are safe. I constantly worry about whether or not they will grow up to be happy and well adjusted adults with people in their lives who love them unconditionally.

I’m not going to tag anyone specific, but please be sure to let me know if you decide do to this meme and I’ll come visit you!