Just Simply Holly

I’ve been a smoker for 99.9% of the past 30 years, better than 2/3 of my life. I’ve talked about wanting to quit and realize that I need to quit, but it wasn’t until today that I truly realized the depth of my addiction.

For some reason neither my husband or I picked me up smokes last night. It was an earlier than normal day for him which kind of threw us both off and it wasn’t until about 9:30 this morning that I realized I was about to completely run out of smokes, and shortly after that I realized that my husband hadn’t left me any cash. The harsh reality was that I was going to spend the day without smokes because going to his job site wasn’t an option and I honeslty did not feel like calling anyone to borrow money for cigarettes, it’s not their responsibility to support my habit, PERIOD!

The first couple of hours I did OK, but by 2:00 this afternoon I was starting to get shakey. By 3:00 I was totally exhausted and had a headache. And by 3:45, when I was having vehicle problems while needing to go pick my daughter up from track practice, I felt, acted and looked like a drug addict in need of a fix ASAP! It wasn’t until my husband came home from work, around 6:00 PM that I finally got my “fix”, and to be honest, it disgusted me!

I don’t like me very well right now, and I truly feel evil! I hate the fact that something as stupid as nicotine has so much control over my life, and I have the fact that I’ve allowed it to have so much control for so long!

Dinner is “grab your own” tonight and I’m going to find my MP3 player and put my headphones on and kick back in the recliner and just escape! So if you don’t hear from me the rest of tonight, you know where I am!