Just Simply Holly

This time of year is difficult in many ways.  December is the anniversary of my fathers death, which I still struggle with many years later.  I also am already suffering from my “winter blues”, even though it’s just a few days into December.  Trying to deal with my family adds even more stress to my life this time of the year, and my sister, in particular, is really pushing her limits with me.

We’re in a very difficult spot financially right now, with no hope for it letting up any time soon.  Bills are piling up and the fridge is almost bare.  So my thoughts are on getting the bills paid as soon as possible and getting some food in the fridge, then, if there is anything left, we’ll worry about Christmas.  About a month ago my sister made mention that the six of us kids were going to go in on one big gift for my mom and step dad that would be their Christmas present and their gift for their 70th birthdays, which are just 4 days apart.  She wanted to know if I would be able to go in on this, and I told her that it did not look like I would be able to, but that if it changed, I would let her know.  She called me last night giving me details for the party, asking if I could bring a veggie tray, and reminding me that my husband would not be allowed to attend since my step father was going to be there.  I said no problem to the veggie tray and told her that we had already planned on the fact that my hubby wouldn’t be able to attend and that it wasn’t a problem.  She then asked again about my going in on the gift, of which my share would be more than $150.  As nicely as I could, I explained to her that we were so low on food that I had to make noodles from scratch for dinner that night, to which she said “Oh my God, I wish I had as much free time as you do so that I could cook like that, but are you sure you won’t be able to pitch in, because I don’t want you to be upset because your name is not on the card”.  It took ever ounce of energy for me to keep my calm enough to be able to tell her know and finish the call.  She just has no clue as to what it is like to need, nor do I think she ever will.

So tonight I sit here, wondering what is in store for myself and my family.  I know that we will make it through this difficult time, we always do.  But right now, it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel!