Just Simply Holly

In less than an hour I’ll be leaving to head to my moms house for her annual Labor Day picnic, a.k.a. “family reunion”.  Attending will be my mom and step father, my moms 3 children along with their spouses, children and grandchildren and my step fathers 3 children along with their spouses and children and probably their childrens boyfriends/girlfriends.  All in total, there will be roughly about 40 people attending.

If I had my way, I’d be staying at home today, for more than one reason.  My main reason for wanting to stay home today is simply because I still have homework to catch up on and I’m still not feeling 100% good.  My other reason(s) for not wanting to go has to do with the fact that I cannot stand being around my family.  I am a VERY down to earth person, I put little to no importance on “things”, what means the most to me are the people in my life with whom I have true relationships, none of which are any members of my family.

As I sit here, knowing that I need to get ready, I keep having minor panic attacks.  My heart is literally pounding out of my chest.  I totally dislike being around these people and their falseness!  I hate the fact that they pretend to give a crap about me and my children, when I know for a fact that they could care less.  I’ve spent the last several years of my adult life doing my best to distance myself from people like this because I know how being around them affects me.  But I’m going today for my mom.  As much as I want to tell every single member of my family where to go and how to get there, I know that I can’t because of the effect it will have on her.  And I know how much of herself she puts into this party, and I know how much it would hurt her if I didn’t come.  So, I guess I’d better get ready so that I can go make my appearance and put on my fake smile and pretend like I give a crap about other people who are pretending to give a crap about me.  Sounds like fun huh?  Wanna come with me?